


the air looks clear to me, but the atmosphere is sordid

by thistlestars



Category: Warriors (Erin Hunter)
Genre: Canon-Compliant, Gen, Missing Scene, also warning for canon-typical ashfur, he’s a manipulative little bastard!, i hate him, spoilers for the broken code arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:26:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27394939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thistlestars/pseuds/thistlestars
Summary: Ashfur seeks out Hollyleaf in StarClan after her death, saying he wants to talk. Against her better judgement, she hears him out.or, they have to have talked at some point for Hollyleaf to say in Squirrelflight’s Hope that she thought he’d changed, because it’d just be ooc for her to have decided that on her own — so here’s my take on that.(title lyric taken from smoke damage by hi i’m case.)
Relationships: Hollyleaf & Ashfur (Warriors), Hollyleaf & Squirrelflight (Warriors)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 13





	the air looks clear to me, but the atmosphere is sordid

Somewhere in a sunlit clearing, a black molly lay lazing in the sunshine, relaxing and enjoying the warmth of the light on her pelt. Her ear pricked as she heard pawsteps and rustling leaves behind her, but she did not yet raise her head to look at them. Too comfortable here, she thought.

“Hollyleaf? Do you have a moment?" Her ears swiveled backwards, and only moments later, she opened her eyes quickly in alarm as she registered who was speaking.

 _I know that voice._ Hollyleaf turned, the fur on her spine bristling angrily as she whirled to face the cat behind her. "What are you doing here?" she snarled. Her claws unsheathed, and she dug them into the ground, glaring angrily at Ashfur with her ears pinned back against her head.

"Relax, Hollyleaf," the gray tom meowed smoothly, appearing so calm it was almost as though he didn't notice her aggressive reaction. "Neither of us can hurt each other any more. Not here."

"What do you want," Hollyleaf spit at him, refusing to let her guard down. Even if he seemed unfazed by her behavior, he was going to drop the act any moment now, wasn't he?

"I just want to talk, that's all." Ashfur looked almost hurt by her cold demeanor. His own ears flattened, and he blinked sympathetically at her. "Don't you owe me at least that?"

Hollyleaf's tail lashed back and forth in irritation at the question, and it was all she could do to keep herself from raising a paw to strike him. "Owe you?" she echoed incredulously. She let a humorless laugh leave her mouth. "You would have let me and my brothers die for the sake of some petty grudge against Squirrelflight from seasons ago!"

"You let me die for nothing," Ashfur replied. As he spoke, the tom settled himself into a sitting position, his tail curling across his paws. "I was killed to keep a secret that you revealed to all the clans anyways. How is that any more justified, Hollyleaf?"

"I've atoned for my mistakes," the black molly growled. "I know what I did was wrong. But I returned to ThunderClan and I proved that my heart truly lies with my Clan and with the warrior code. You died unrepentant."

"Oh, Hollyleaf. Always the warrior code with you, isn't it?" He stood again, stepping closer until he was near enough to Hollyleaf that he could have reached out and touched her. Ashfur's blue eyes held a menacing gleam to them as he spoke. "Yet I've never once broken it. Don't you remember the fourteenth code?"

"An honorable warrior does not need to kill other cats to win their battles," Ashfur recited in answer to himself, smirking. "I threatened to kill you and your brothers, true, and I can promise you I regret it now. But I never truly took another cat's life. Can you say the same?"

"Don't you remember the _first_ code?" Hollyleaf challenged. "Defend your Clan, even with your life. Lionblaze, Jayfeather and I were your clanmates. Did you defend us with your life?"

The gray tom's tail twitched, but there was no other sign that he was in any way perturbed by the comment. "In the end, I gave you mine," he said.

Silence hung in the air between the two cats for some time, Hollyleaf's narrowed green eyes meeting unblinkingly with Ashfur's. Slowly, the pricked fur along her back began to settle closer to the skin, and her ears raised into their usual position.

"Why did you come here, Ashfur?" she meowed finally. "Just to antagonize me? To rub it in my face that the cat I murdered had deserved StarClan all along despite his crimes?"

Ashfur flicked his ear, tilting his head curiously at her. "You're the one who started the fight."

"Just tell me what you want from me, already, won't you?"

There was a long pause before the gray tom replied, licking nonchalantly at the fur on his right forepaw. "If you must know, I'd intended to apologize." He continued grooming himself, though one eye was still kept warily trained on Hollyleaf.

“Apologize?" Hollyleaf's ears flattened slightly once more, her eyes widening with shock and confusion. "You've done nothing of the sort."

“Yes, well, like I said… you're the one who started the fight. I don't forgive you for killing me, Hollyleaf, but I understand why you did it. I know better than any cat what it's like to feel that desperate, don't I? That's why I acted the way I did, too."

Ashfur looked genuinely guilty, standing with his head lowered and his tail tucked between his legs. "I was so scared when I died, Hollyleaf. I knew what I'd done was wrong, the moment I felt your claws at my throat. But you understand too, don't you? In the fire that day, all I could feel was that I wanted Squirrelflight to hurt for how she betrayed me."

"But I was wrong. She never deserved to watch her kits die, even if you had been truly hers. Just as you were wrong when you wished so much hurt upon Squirrelflight and Leafpool. Isn't it sad, the way that anger can make you so blind to the right thing?" The tom was practically groveling in front of her at this point, looking up at her with a truly pathetic misery in his gaze.

"You and I are more alike than you think, Hollyleaf. I'm truly sorry for what I did, as much as you are… and I don't want my presence here to sour your time in StarClan. That's why I came here. To make amends," he finished.

Much to her disappointment, Hollyleaf could indeed find herself beginning to sympathize with the cat in front of her, if only to feel pity for such a fierce, once-terrifying warrior being reduced to begging her forgiveness. He used to scare her. Looking at him here, she couldn't imagine why.

"I don't forgive you for what you've done, either," she told him, carefully choosing her words. "You ruined my life, Ashfur. You and I will never be friends, but… perhaps it does say something that you chose to apologize. So, I'll mind my business, and you'll mind yours. Okay?"

"Thank you, Hollyleaf… you have no idea how much I appreciate that," Ashfur mewed, his eyes wide with a sincere-looking gratitude. The tom's expression practically shined with relief, and she could see his muscles relax from where they'd been tensed under his fur.

“Get out of here now, then, before I change my mind." Hollyleaf's voice was monotone as she answered him, but there was the smallest a hint of a teasing smile on her face.

She flicked her tail and turned back around, settling down onto the sun-dappled grass once more. Angling an ear behind her, she could hear Ashfur padding back into the undergrowth and away from her.

Hollyleaf yawned and lay her head down on the warm ground, closing her eyes and purring contentedly. She returned to drowsing peacefully, and her thoughts did not stray again towards any concern about the encounter with Ashfur.

It was only seasons later, in the dead of the harsh and freezing winter for the Clans below, that she felt fear and anger towards Ashfur once more. And, staring at the murky water that blocked their view of the living, her eyes widened in horror at the realization that she herself had once said to Squirrelflight that she thought he'd changed.

He hadn't. And she could only hope that Squirrelflight had not taken her at her word. She could only hope, desperately, fervently, that her brave and fiery foster mother would find a way through to fix whatever he had done.

_Please, Squirrelflight._

_Please._

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr at my wc blog @lesbianbristlefrost or at my main @thistlestars! 
> 
> if you read and enjoyed this fic, your comments and kudos mean the world to me— please consider showing your support!


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